


A man undercover, but you tore him apart

by Qwibbles



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Christmas Eve, Hurt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21938617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qwibbles/pseuds/Qwibbles
Summary: A short Christmas Eve fic based on those pictures that sent us all into meltdown a couple of weeks ago.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	A man undercover, but you tore him apart

**Author's Note:**

> No happy endings here, sorry. The title is based on the lyrics to Wham's "Last Christmas.
> 
> Really enjoyed writing this, it was a cathartic experience. I hope you enjoy reading it!

The bitter air lingered ominously around the Square. Callum’s breath was slow like his footsteps, softly crushing the grit scattered across the road. The night was quiet, the Square empty. Callum’s head was pounding from all the thoughts flinging themselves at the edges of his mind. _Pain_.

The bright blue lights of the Prince Albert distracted him for a moment. Their glow assaulted his eyes, but he kept staring anyway, numb to the sting. The Albert held a few painful memories. He was pushed away, heart torn from his chest by the man helping him bring Callum out of his shell. Callum broke his out and reclaimed his heart with a confidence he had never known. 

Then he was dismissed. Ignored. Isolated. But Callum stood his ground, emboldened by the bravery of knowing who he was—who he is. A door opened, finally, into a life that eluded him for most of his years. He was happy, truly, for the first time. But like every other time in Callum’s life, it was only a moment of happiness. Fleeting.

He turned away from the Albert, his eyes set on a figure standing a few metres away from him. Ben, the ex-boyfriend. Ben was just as stunned to see Callum standing in front of him, but his mask hid it well. Callum’s heart throbbed. A painful warmth enveloped his body, squeezing him from every angle.

“Ben,” he eventually sputtered. Ben responded with a sigh. His breath drifted to Callum, the fading scent of alcohol was clear.

“You look tired,” Ben replied after a brief pause, staring lazily at the bags under Callum’s eyes. He hadn’t shaved in days.

“You too,” Callum shot back. It was then Ben realised that the alcohol didn’t help his sleep like he thought. The fought back the weariness with a shake of his head and noticed a bag strap over Callum’s shoulder.

“Going somewhere?”

“Need to clear my head.” Callum’s voice wavered.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Ben stated, his face expressionless. Callum studied Ben’s face, blank like a mannequin. But Callum knows, Callum _sees_. He sees Ben’s slower, deeper breaths. He sees the small bulges in Ben’s pockets as he clenches his fists, channelling his emotion away from his face.

“Is that all you’ve got to say?” Callum barked. The cold air stung the light bruises on his knuckles and a flash of rage coursed through his system. Embers flickered in his eyes, erupting in a stare colder than the evening breeze. It wasn’t long before echoes of the night before pounded his head.

_“Callum!” Thud._

“There’s nothing to say, Callum,” Ben huffed. “You could use some time to cool off.”

_Cool off._ Callum’s mind flipped upside down. His thoughts were a mess. Tangled, wild. Ben knew of Callum’s arrest. A cloud of his breath drifted slowly towards Ben like a wraith, dissipating just as its warmth touched his face.

“So you know?”

Ben replied with a half-smile. Callum rattled his head.

“And you didn’t even care enough to ask how I was.” Callum’s voice trailed off, he knew that wasn’t true.

Ben could do nothing but care. He cared with every fibre of his being for every second of the four sleepless, restless nights since he ripped both their hearts out and tossed them away. Waking up without the soft kiss that riled him up and calmed him down at the same time without fail shattered him. He missed Callum’s smile, the way he runs his fingers through his hair, the way he sighs at his crude remarks, the way his hands cover his face when they kiss.

“You’re unharmed, ain’t you?”

Callum clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. Ben’s walls were raised, locked behind a door with a key thrown into an abyss, like Callum’s own heart.

“That’s not the point, Ben.”

“Then what’s the point, Callum? I’ve got somewhere to be.” Ben lifted his foot to take a step but Callum’s glare stopped him in his tracks. Callum’s eyes had power like nothing else—pure honesty. They could warm him, break him, kill him. Getting lost in Callum’s eyes for too long would leave Ben powerless. He turned his gaze elsewhere.

“Are you ever going to stop pushing me out? What am I to you?”

“We can’t do this, Callum.”

“Do what, Ben? All you’ve done is ignore me since you spat in my face.” Callum’s voice cracked. Callum’s eyes filled with tears, Ben could see himself reflected in them—his walls started to buckle. 

“What do you want me to say, Callum?! We’re through. Finished.”

“No we ain’t, Ben,” “You know that’s not true.”

“When are you going to understand, Callum? I’m trying to protect you.”

“I’m not the one who needs protecting.” 

“I don’t want to ruin you, Callum. Everything about you is good and kind. I can’t ruin you, and I can’t let you ruin yourself.”

Callum sighed and opened his bag. Ben’s breaths slowed as Callum revealed a small blue bag. He pushed it towards Ben, hands still in his pockets.

“Just take this,” Callum said and thrust the gift into Ben’s reach.

“Callum, I don’t—,” Ben tried to back away from the gift, but Callum broke through.

“If you’re going to do one thing for me this Christmas, just take it,” Callum pushed the bag into his chest. It might as well have been a knife, that would’ve hurt less. Ben wanted nothing more than to jump into Callum’s arms and bury his head into his lover’s chest. 

“Callum—,” Callum cut Ben off, Ben drew in a sharp breath hoping the cold air would snap him out of this trance.

“Would be more of a waste if I threw it away,” said Callum with unrelenting sorrow. His eyes were tired, damaged, ruthless. It looked like he was grieving.

“Callum—,”

“Listen to me, Ben,” Callum yelled at his face, freezing Ben instantly. Fire burned in Callum’s eyes as Ben shrank into his coat. “I poured my heart out to you. I gave you everything and all you’ve done is lie to my face. You can say all you want about how you were just ‘passing through’ but we both know that ain’t true.” 

“I love you, Ben Mitchell. Don’t forget that,” Callum sighed after a pause, fists trembling.

Their eyes met. Ben tried to look away but Callum’s hold on him was unbreakable, but then he let go. The mists of their breath collided, merging into a white barrier between them. Ben tried to pierce through the cloud, but the tears in his eyes made everything hazy. He wiped them away, but by the time he looked up Callum was silhouette in the distance, shrinking as he walked towards the Walford East station.

“Callum, I love you too,” Ben whimpered. A tear fell from his eye as his words became one with the evening air. But Callum was gone on the Eve before Christmas.


End file.
